Stop Talking Yourself Out of Success
Have you ever been in a conversation where someone casually says, “Oh, I’m never on time for things. I’m just not a punctual person” — and time after time, they prove it by always being late? That person is me. Punctuality has always been a struggle, but it’s something I’m actively working to improve. And that’s why I wanted to write this — because we often talk ourselves out of success without even realizing it.
We have a habit of speaking negatively about ourselves, downplaying our strengths, and reinforcing our weaknesses. Whether it’s our work ethic, our skills, or personal limitations, we tend to fixate on our flaws rather than acknowledging the progress we’re making. One of my personal struggles has been accepting compliments. Whenever someone praises my work, my first instinct is to brush it off — thinking they’re just being polite or that I didn’t really do as well as they say. This type of self-doubt reinforces limiting beliefs and keeps us stuck in insecurity.
Instead of talking ourselves out of success, we need to shift our mindset. Rather than saying, “I’m not punctual,” I’ve started saying, “I’m working on being more punctual.” This small tweak has made a noticeable difference. Now, when I wake up in the morning, I think about how I can leave the house on time instead of resigning myself to lateness. Just this shift in perspective has helped me improve, and I’ve found myself arriving on time more often.
This applies to other areas of life as well. In school, I used to tell myself, “I’m not a good student,” especially in subjects that weren’t my strong suit. That mindset discouraged me from putting in the effort needed to improve. Instead of studying harder, I accepted failure as inevitable — and then when I didn’t do well, it only reinforced my negative self-perception. The truth is, when we repeatedly tell ourselves we’re not good at something, we unconsciously put in less effort, making it a self-fulfilling prophecy.
The danger of negative self-talk is that it doesn’t just affect one area of our lives — it seeps into everything. If you believe you’re not a good student, you might start believing you’re not good at your job either. If you feel like you don’t work hard enough, you might not put in the effort to earn a promotion. When you don’t get the raise, you tell yourself, “See? I’m just not good at this,” reinforcing the cycle of self-doubt and underachievement.
Instead of focusing on what we lack, we should focus on our strengths. If you’re applying to a school or a job and feel like your qualifications aren’t strong enough, don’t count yourself out before you even try. Maybe your test scores aren’t the highest, but your extracurricular activities or work experience might set you apart. Maybe you’ll nail the interview or write a compelling personal statement that impresses the decision-makers. The worst thing that can happen is a “no” — and even then, you can always try again. The key is not to defeat yourself before the game is even over.
I’ve come to realize that the pain of regret is far worse than the pain of trying and failing. I’ll never forget being in college and wondering, “What if I had tried out for the basketball team?” I played basketball my whole life, but I never took the chance to see if I could make it. By my senior year, I regretted not even sending an email to the coach. If I had tried and failed, at least I would’ve known I gave it my best shot. But not trying at all left me with lingering “what-ifs.”
So, my challenge to you is this: stop talking yourself out of success. Instead of saying, “I’m bad at this,” start saying, “I’m working on getting better at this.” Instead of brushing off compliments, learn to accept and believe them. Instead of focusing on your weaknesses, highlight your strengths and use them to your advantage. Most importantly, don’t forfeit the game before it’s over. You never know what’s possible until you give yourself a real chance.
If this resonates with you, start making small changes today. Speak positively about yourself. Acknowledge your progress. And most of all, keep pushing forward — because success starts with believing in yourself.
