Breaking Free from Self-Pity: How to Stop Comparing Yourself to Others

Have you ever felt constantly stressed, anxious, or even depressed, wondering why you’re not working as hard as you know you can? I’ve been there too. For a long time, I struggled with this feeling of self-pity — constantly asking, “Why me?” and wondering why my journey seemed harder than others’.

The Trap of Comparison

In today’s society, it’s almost second nature to compare ourselves to others. Whether it’s social media, school, or even relationships, we’re always looking at what others have that we don’t. This mindset started for me in high school when I was part of the International Baccalaureate (IB) program. I saw my classmates who weren’t in the program enjoying more free time while I was drowning in assignments and projects. Instead of focusing on doing my best, I wasted time feeling bad for myself. This negative mindset affected my grades because I wasn’t giving my work my full effort — I was just trying to get it done.

Looking back, I realize how much energy I wasted feeling sorry for myself instead of channeling that energy into my work. If I had focused on my own progress instead of comparing my workload to others, I could have achieved so much more.

Self-Pity and Relationships

The comparison game didn’t stop at school — it extended into my personal life as well. In college, I started comparing my dating life to my friends’. If a friend went on a date or got a girl’s number, I would feel inadequate. I told myself that maybe I wasn’t as attractive or as smooth as they were. This self-doubt created a cycle where I would reject myself before I even tried, leading to low confidence and a lack of success in relationships.

The worst part? Every time something didn’t go well, it reinforced my negative beliefs. I would think, “See? This is why I’m not good at dating.” The truth is, I had already defeated myself mentally before even giving myself a fair chance.

A Different Perspective on Success

Interestingly, this mindset never affected me when it came to working out. When I was in the gym, I never compared myself to others in a way that held me back. I didn’t look at someone lifting heavier weights and think, “I’ll never be that strong, so what’s the point?” Instead, I focused on my own progress. This made me realize — what if I applied this same mindset to other areas of my life?

If I could approach school, relationships, and other challenges the same way I approached the gym, I wouldn’t waste time comparing myself to others. I would simply focus on improving myself.

The Negative Impact of Social Media

Social media makes it even harder to escape comparison. In dental school, I struggled with seeing my non-student friends buying houses, getting full-time jobs, and making money while I was stuck paying tuition with no income. Even though I was happy for them, I couldn’t help but feel frustrated. It seemed like I was falling behind in life, which made me feel bitter toward school.

This bitterness affected my performance. Instead of focusing on studying and improving, I spent too much time resenting my situation. But the reality is, everyone’s journey is different. Just because someone else is achieving something now doesn’t mean I won’t achieve it later.

How to Stop Feeling Sorry for Yourself

If you find yourself constantly feeling bad for yourself, it’s likely because you’re stuck in the cycle of comparison. The key to breaking free is to redirect that energy toward yourself. Here’s how:

1. Stop comparing yourself to others. Everyone has a different path, and just because someone is ahead in one area doesn’t mean they’re ahead in everything.
2. Focus on what you can control. Instead of dwelling on what others have, work on improving yourself in whatever way you can.
3. Take a break from social media. If social media fuels your feelings of inadequacy, step away for a while. I’ve done this before, and it helped tremendously.
4. Develop a growth mindset. See challenges as opportunities to improve rather than obstacles that prove your limitations.
5. Practice gratitude. Instead of focusing on what you lack, appreciate what you do have.

Conclusion

Feeling sorry for yourself is a sign that you’re focusing too much on what others have instead of what you can achieve. The moment you shift your mindset and direct that energy into your own growth, everything starts to change. Life becomes less about comparison and more about becoming the best version of yourself.

If this resonates with you, I encourage you to take action today. Redirect your energy, focus on your own progress, and watch how your perspective — and your life — begins to change for the better.